she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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