Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
