I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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