when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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