last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
