Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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