Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
