Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
