Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize