we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
