I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
