Can i not drive my cunt home
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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