what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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