Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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