this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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