grandma shit on top of the toilet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
