Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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