just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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