oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
