I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
