Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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