morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
