my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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