Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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