I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
