I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
