Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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