so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
