She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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