i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
