The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
