WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
