the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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