Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
