I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize