I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love having hate sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
