I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
