There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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