i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
