Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Are we still banned from the library?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize