I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
