i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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