I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
