is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
