Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
