Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
