He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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