I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
