dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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