9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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