his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he told me I talked like a deaf person
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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