I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
