im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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