theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
