wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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