my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
