I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
