I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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