Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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