the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
