Your tits are I can't wait for
She said her name was "party"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
