guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
