The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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