you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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