I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
