Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
