and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
