There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
