sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the condom got lost in my hair
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize