I am puke
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
