you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you had me at cake vodka
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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