Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
