Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
