1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
