Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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