she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
