Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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