bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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