There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
