no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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