I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
