You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
