we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
