I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
