wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
