Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
