I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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