fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I want is dick and wine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
