yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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