OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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