i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will be naked everywhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
