I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
