he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
