no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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