I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
