oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
