were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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