god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
