Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
